Space Between Stimulus and Response

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The above aphorism is one of my favorite general quotes about leadership. A quick Google search attributes the quote to a variety of different people but, as any proud American should, whenever a witty quote is part of the broader vernacular with a questionable origin I just attribute it to Mark Twain.

I like the quote for two main reasons, one it’s funny and easy to remember, two it helps me frame my mistakes and failures as lessons to use later rather than world ending catastrophes (even if they sometimes feel like it).

While developing good judgement is a post for another day, today I want to talk about one of the common patterns I’ve observed that leads me to make mistakes as a result of bad judgement, the inability to put space between stimulus and response.

A good friend recently sent me this podcast, an interview with Daryl Morey who works in Basketball Operations for the Philadelphia 76ers and is famous for bringing analytical rigor to basketball in much the same way as Billy Beane brought it to baseball.

The podcast as a whole is excellent, but this quote from Morey stuck with me:

The best leaders I’ve worked for consistently do what Morey urges and “step back” from the situation they’re in to emotionally detach from their lived experience in the pursuit of making a better decision.

Why does this happen?

Why is it so hard to leave space between stimulus and response in the pursuit of judging situations dispassionately?

I’m sure there is some evolutionary rationale which helped us avoid being eaten by saber tooth tigers for thousands of years but in the jungles of office politics I find fight or flight responses significantly less useful.

For me, an inability to put space between stimulus and response generally comes from one of two motivations:

1. I’m trying to be clever (generally more clever than I actually am)

2. I’m defending others I care about (or my own ego)

On being clever

We’ve all been there, sitting on a Zoom call off mute so ready to make our own point and prove to the audience how smart we are that we stop listening to the conversation unfold before us. I’m certainly guilty of trying to prove I’m more clever than I actually am.

I’ve realized when I do this I actually get left behind or make invalid points as I look to insert my, in my mind, brilliant opinion only to realize I’m so focused on being right that I miss the point of the conversation completely.

As one of my favorite Charlie Munger quotes goes, “It’s better to have an IQ of 160 and think it’s 150 than an IQ of 160 and think it’s 200.”

On defending others

The other situation where I find myself jumping in too quickly is perhaps nobler in its intent but no less foolish. I fashion myself as a natural protector / defender of those I care about and most leaders I know share this same instinct.

That means for myself, and other leaders I know, there is a tendency to react defensively to any perceived affront to or critique of a member of your team.

While great leaders can and should defend those they lead, it’s also important to remove your personal feelings from the critique so as to judge its merits dispassionately.

If someone’s being rude or unfair to a member of your team I’m not saying you shouldn’t vigorously come to their defense, but I am saying you should be sure to check your ego first before doing so.

As Kipling said, “make allowance for their doubting too”.

Of two minds

One of my favorite academics is Nobel Prize winning psychologist and economist Daniel Kahneman. My amazing wife Emma once saw him speak at a conference and, knowing the true nerd that I am, asked him for his autograph which she gave to me when she returned home only to watch me react like a 7 year old who just got an autograph from their favorite basketball player (like I said, I’m a nerd).

This concept of leaving space between stimulus and response reminds me of Kahneman’s “two minds” concept which he discusses in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow.

In the book, Kahneman discusses what he calls the two systems, or minds, by which humans make decisions.

System 1: The part of the brain that operates automatically and intuitively. Think of turning toward a loud noise (stimulus) when you’re walking through a park.

System 2: The part of the brain we use to solve a non-trivial math problem or reason through a complicated logical argument.

Think of System 1 as autopilot and System 2 as non-autopilot. When we make decisions most of us believe we’re rational beings leveraging System 2, but are we?

If you’re reacting immediately to some sort of stimulus, e.g. trying to prove you’re clever or being defensive, chances are you aren’t really using your System 2 thinking and are just on autopilot. In other words, you aren’t acting rationally as you’re responding intuitively to a stimulus with a fight or flight reaction rather than slowing down and stepping back.

Conclusion

Let’s say I’ve convinced you there’s some legitimacy to putting space between stimulus and response rather than flying by the seat of your pants whenever someone asks you a question or says something about your team. The question then becomes, how do you do it?

One of my favorite leadership cues I learned as a Marine was, “slow down, step back.” The Marine Corps teaches its young leaders a concept often referred to as “tactical patience” through a famous decision making process known as the OODA Loop (pronounced oooo-dah).

The OODA Loop is a mental model military leaders use to make decisions quickly while still trying to engage their System 2 thinking to behave rationally.

While I’d love to dedicate a full post to the OODA Loop at some point given it has been an incredibly powerful decision making tool in my life. This week’s advice is simpler.

The next time you find yourself in a setting where you’re about to make a decision or respond quickly, slow down and step back. Briefly ask yourself whether you’re decision / comment is being guided by System 1 or System 2. And if it is System 1 taking control, take a deep breath and pause before responding. I think you’ll be glad you did.

See y’all next week.